With permission, I am sharing these recent testimonials that were sent to me without mentioning names. These are coming from women who are dedicated Christians and also married, proving that this book is really not just for single women, but for married women, too. With more women single now than married in America, these tips that I share (not at all against marriage or good men) are timely. No one can fill up the heart like Jesus…
Hi Dwayna, I was sent a copy of your book Happiness No Man Required–50 Tips for Single Women to be Happy With or Without a Man and I’m loving it. I’ve already recommended it to several friends with older, single daughters. There is a famine in the land and in the visible church of GOOD (ie: godly, humble, Christ loving/honoring) MEN! I’m afraid that many of these girls are destined to singleness even though they may not be granted the gift of singleness…a difficult thing to accept for a young woman who dreams of marrying a wonderful man and having a family.
Because of your no nonsense book, my expectations of my husband have risen. I do not get as angry; he stops his anger, admits it, and apologizes. When he feels mad at himself and defeated I just say, “Don’t go there! You apologized; I forgave you, and it’s okay now.”
In reality, I show him more respect by raising my expectations of him, and kindly letting him know it, than if I’d let him continue to be angry. Dwayna, this is huge growth for us. I had not realized before reading your book that I had been allowing him to get and stay angry. Now our relationship is going to demonstrate God’s care for us more than ever in raising my expectations to a place where verbal abuse toward me as God’s child is no longer allowed. Thanks for having the guts to write the truth. I also like the homework, so helpful.
Dwayna, I just read the chapter on being careful of men you meet in church. We have experienced three pastors now who have used their congregation. The first sexually, and the elders realized after a year of trying to ‘help him repent’ that he wasn’t about to; he played the game to get a hefty severance package. My husband wasted a year of his life working with this phony. In the end, they realized they should have reported it to the police; abusing a woman who comes for counseling is an offensive crime that the police should handle, not the elders. The second was a “hireling” with no love, only calculated works to prove he was doing his job. For the second time, my husband and I counseled many people in the body who had been hurt by him and his wife.
The third one (unpaid, made himself the chief elder and preached a lot), was at a small church. He controlled ‘his disciples’ and turned them away from their parents, even replacing them. He left a month ago; we prayed him out!! He held our son and his family in his tight grip for five years, belittling us; we were never radical or good enough for the kingdom! He told them it was church over family (they had seven young children who needed him,) He’d yell when he preached, and disliked American Christians; “They don’t suffer enough, not like the Chinese people I discipled who gave their lives for the gospel!” Well, his 25 years in China have very little to show now, since they followed him as their authority and now follow a “roll in the aisles pentecostal, making animal sounds as they praise God!” it’s demonic! He had to have absolute authority; a cult.
Our current pastor is wonderful; true to the Word, real with us, close to his wife, and truly loving. But I am cautious to look up to any man. I know my husband is the real deal. Your book is right on. In Tip 14 you said to be real only with close friends and not in the professional world. “Distance yourself emotionally as a businesswoman in a man’s world where you are due a man’s respect.” p. 264